The Journey Home
by Ramica
Summary: Sequel to A question of Honour. April's POV as she tries to track down the surviving members of the turtle clan. Will she be able o find them and save Don from himself.
1. Chapter 1

The Journey Home

Disclaimer: I deny any ownership of any adult or adolescent transformed shadow warrior chelonians.

Rated: T for some graphic scenes and possible mild swearing.

Author's note: This story is my sequel to A Question of Honour. I suggest you read that story before this one. Ramica.

**Chapter One: A place of refuge**

_The Black garbed being pushed closer into her space, and she couldn't help but pull back a little, though the chains on her made it impossible to retreat further. "You will tell us what we wish to know Mrs. Jones" he intoned his voice calm, but slightly clipped, "Or you will suffer the consequences." his hand reached out caressing the bulge of her belly and nodded his head ever so slightly, to let her know that the threat was not meaningless._

_" I don't know where they went to." she protested trying to kick out with a leg._

_He sidled easily to one side and turned to face her " I don't believe you. You have been friends with them for far too long. We need to complete our trophy collection." He gestured to a wall behind him, "You will tell us what we wish to know or you will join them."_

_She raised her head and screamed._

I woke with a scream, shaking and crying in fear, my body drenched in a cold sweat and the bedding tangled around me. I could feel my heart beating triple time against my chest, I reached to turn on the bedside lamp, suddenly frightened of the shadows and darkness that filled the room. The light's soft glow, and a frantic search, quickly banished the thought of intruders in the bedroom. But it did nothing to ease the lingering fear of the nightmare.

It was a nightmare that was all too true, though I did my best to disassociate from it, even in my dreams. A little over two years ago my world had fallen apart, I lost my friends, my husband, all of what I called family in one night. I shivered and pulled the blankets closer about me. I recalled a fateful night when the phone rang and how something that simple had turned my world upside down.

_Casey reached for it and I heard only a few quick words on this end, he hung up the receiver "April the boys ran into trouble. Raph says he's after Karai and needs help."_

_"Casey don't go please." I begged, though it wasn't like me to beg for anything, I just felt something was horribly wrong._

_"If I don't go and somethin' happens to one of the guys you'll blame me for it" He grunted, "Look, we won't be long and someone has to keep an eye on the hot head." Casey grabbed his gear, "See ya later. Don't worry."_

He went out that door and never came back. Don't worry? How could I not? I worried enough to phone the others and warn them, worried enough that I couldn't go to sleep, I paced our apartment until I was sure I had worn a clear path right through the thin carpet, I then made a cup of tea as all the anxiety was causing me to get a headache and nausea. Don and Mike came. Don spoke quickly frantically, he was frightened and that was something I didn't understand because while I had seen them all scared individually, I had never seen them this frightened, this full of regret and despair as on that night. He told me they were leaving getting out of town.

_"What about Casey?" I demanded._

_Don paused, his head bowed, "I'm sorry April he didn't make it."_ _There was such sadness and hesitancy in his voice, I knew it hurt him to speak of it, to tell me. "We have to go."_

It didn't register on me then that I had seen no sign of Leo and Raph, no there was only two of them and both of them looked like they had been trapped in some pit of hell. My own mind was swimming then with the thought of having lost Casey, I could hardly comprehend that they were cutting ties with me, that I would never hear or see them again. I went to the lair a few days later looking for answers, for something, anything and it had been abandoned.

There was the worn battered furniture, with holes and stuffing poking through, the dojo only had a few spare weapons, there was no food in the cupboard, no medical supplies. Don's tools and computer were missing along with special mementos that I knew they would never leave behind. Even though I knew they were gone I kept going back hoping some day they may return.

I lived day to day in a numb almost automaton way, I got up I ate, though I wasn't hungry and I slept when it grew too late. It was a matter of going through the motions. I cried so much, lost in my own despair and grief.

Then one night while sleeping in my bedroom, I was captured by the Foot they were looking for the rest of the turtle family. _"We need to complete our trophy collection." _Those words echoed in my mind, and even now they churned my stomach for I could not drive away the vision I had taken in at those words.

_Another soldier clicked on a light at mention of the trophy collection and I looked up and saw the wall, and it's gruesome display. Leo's body, minus his head, hung on a wall his blood stained katana pinning his own body up there, and his bandanna soaked in dried blood, hanging loose and down. Beside him was Raphael's corpse, done in the same fashion, pinned by his own weapons his bandanna down. It was then I realized, that Casey had not been the only one to die that night. Then I realized the haunted panic of Don and Mike. _

_Suddenly it made sense why they had left, but it still hurt having them sever our friendship so suddenly._

_"The Foot has preserved their corpses, by using ancient techniques known to the Foot Clan, it is in many ways similar to mummify the ancient Egyptian Pharos.So the body remains preserved for a long time without, seeming to decay in any way." The Foot soldier informed her, "Perhaps we can show you how we do it first hand"_

_"I don't know where they are, they left. I haven't seen or heard from them since." I protested through my tears, suddenly frightened of what they might do to me, longing to be anywhere but here. Wishing that Don had taken me with them. _

_The Foot eventually released me, but there was times I knew I was being shadowed as if they were waiting for me to slip up somewhere. As if waiting for me to lead them to the turtles who had gone out of all of our lives, as if they had never really existed._

I pushed my bedding back pulling on the robe, that had fallen on the floor during my fitful dreams, and went towards the kitchen. I paused momentarily outside the other bedroom listening for any sound out of the ordinary, then softly opened the door to check on her. I was extremely nervous about my daughter, especially feared what might happen to her during the night, for I knew the Foot might one day come for her. Casey Dawn lay in her toddler bed, a mass of curly brown hair around her round cherubic face with the strong determined chin. I smiled, thankful that she was here, and sleeping peacefully enough.

I took a few steps down the hall and entered the tiny kitchen nook area, preparing what I needed for a cup of coffee. I wished that I could have gone with Don and Mike, instead I felt abandoned and lost without them, I found my thoughts often straying upon where they might have gone to, what they might be doing now, or if they were even alive. I felt a part of me was missing, and while I loved my, almost, two year old daughter she didn't do enough to fill the hole that was left in my heart and soul.

My life had changed drastically for the worst, and I wished there was some way to get the balance I know I once had.

XXX

The mail had arrived the usual bunch of bills and a plain envelope with my address, and no sender address, the postmark stamp on it was from Zion Utah. _"Don or Mike!"_ I prayed as I ripped open the envelope taking out the folded sheets within. Before I could unfold them I heard Casey whining "Mama.Mommmmm" she chanted.

I went to see what she wanted, "What is it Casey?"

"Hungry momma" Casey held a musical toy in her hand and she bashed it down listening to the notes, clapping and cheering, "Yeah!"

"You have your father's destructive streak" I muttered softly, then shook my head "Want an apple Casey?"

"No cookie." she replied bobbing her head quickly.

"Apple or banana" I offered giving her a choice of what I was willing to let her have.

"Nanna" she relented.

"Okay come sit at the table" I offered her my hand but she raced past me for her chair. Once I had her settled with her fruit I returned to the letter, unfolding the paper, the writing seemed very messy, and I had to turn to the last page to see Mike's signature, he used to have such neat writing, but it was not what it once had been, still I smiled and clutched the paper tighter in my hands as if afraid it would disappear.

_Dear April,_

_I sure miss you, and wonder how you are doing? I mean last I saw you, you were pregnant. I don't know if you had a boy or girl or any of that stuff._

_Kinda hard to believe we were so close and now we don't see each other, or even admit the other is alive. I've been writing this when Don is busy elsewhere I don't want him knowing because he feels we shouldn't involve you in our life any more, but I always considered you family and felt we needed one another to heal, to get better to...I don't know survive the worst. Maybe because we had seen each other through so many difficult times before._

_I'm sure by now you know what the worst is. I hope you don't hate us and have forgiven us for just leaving you like that. At the time it seemed like a good thing to do. What can I tell you?_

_Well in case you don't know we lost Raph and Leo the same night you lost Casey. Karai had killed Leo and that set the Foot to well, celebrating their victory over us. Raph of course, typically, needed his revenge he wanted to restore honour, but in his rage for the Foot he got Casey involved. Raph and Karai killed one another that night. Don wanted to leave town before the Foot started scouring the sewers to take us down too and well you know the rest._

_Oh by the way, I hope you can manage to translate my writing it has gotten rather sloppy I know. I lost some of my eye sight. Things look fuzzy and blurry for me but that's all right, I manage to get by simply relying on my other senses. Luckily we were trained to hone all of our senses and I have found it easy to use my other senses more, hardly notice much difference really._

_We went to Zion, live near the National Park, there is lots of bush for Don and I to hide in and no one has stumbled on us yet, food is readily available, I know hunting isn't allowed in National Parks but no one is going miss a few fish or rabbits. We have to look out for cougars, and tourists there are a few around here. More tourists then cougars I think, and actually I prefer the cougars to the tourists. The squirrels are kinda fun to watch too. Leo would have liked it here, and Raph would have been bored out of his skull. _

_According to Don Zion is Hebrew and means refuge or sanctuary, I guess that is why he decided on settling here. Sanctuary sounded awful nice about then and it was something we both desperately needed. I liked the sounds of it. And it has been a good place to heal. _

_I can't say that I miss the big city, because I don't. Oh there are some things I wished I had, but I am glad to leave the constant battles behind, though Don and I still spar a bit. Try to keep in shape just in case. _

_I wanted to write this let you know we are still alive and we still miss you, but more then that I needed...I need to let you know that I'm worried about Don._

_Don doesn't think that I know what he does, but I do. I might be partially blind but I'm not stupid. I know Don has been hurting himself. I don't think he is at peace with his choice to be here. Last time he did it, it was real bad. I'm worried that next time he will manage to leave me alone, and that scares me April. I know he feels seppuku is the honourable way, and maybe he hasn't forgiven himself for some things. I don't know a part of me believes that you might be able to help him._

_Course you may have decided your life is better off without us in it. Maybe you won't even get this. I know I shouldn't be unloading all of this on you, especially after all this time, but I don't know where to turn, or who to talk to. _

_I look after Don best I can, you can count on it. _

_Love you,_

_Mike._

I felt tears stream down my face and swallowed back a sob. Mike partially blind and Don, I couldn't believe Don would do that to himself. I glanced up and saw that Casey had smashed and flattened most of her banana on the table top and I made a tsking noise "Casey you know better" I scolded slightly.

She glanced up at me with an innocent wide eyed look, a pout came to her full lips, " Okay mommy?"

I laid the letter down on the table and sniffed, "Yeah, I'm okay hon. Let's get you cleaned up."

I did my best to ignore the letter, after all I couldn't respond to it, there was no return address, and yet when I put Casey down for her nap I found myself reading over the letter again. These guys were my family, I wanted Casey to know them, not just through stories. I wanted to see Don and Mike again. While I realized Mike's letter was to get in touch with me to let me know they were all right, but it also spoke of pressing concerns and worries. Especially the fact Don seemed to be shouldering the guilt for what had happened to Leo and Raph. Mike who had always needed people would of course be frightened at being left in a world where he was all alone, and the fact he couldn't see as well as he used to could hinder him further.

The plan that was formulating in the back of my mind seemed crazy, it didn't make sense for me to give up everything and go out to Utah just to try and track the turtles down, and yet that idea refused to leave it kept whispering at me, nagging. I wanted to do this, I wanted to find them, as if that by finding them, my world would be right. That the shattered bits of my past could be renewed. I turned to my computer and opened the e-mail. I had a feeling that Don would have changed his e-mail but what about Mike?

I had tried to e-mail them both, numerous times, before but it was always returned. Perhaps this time. I sent a quick message and it was returned as always. I had to face it I would not be able to track down two ninja in a large park, they knew how to hide it was what they had been trained to do. I may as well continue living here in New York, working from home, through my computer, and caring for Casey. I didn't like to leave her alone, not even to go to a movie, more because I was afraid of the Foot.

_'Why should you be afraid why not leave? What do you have here? _My mind whispered to me. I chewed my bottom lip if I was going to do this, then I'd have to be careful to insure I wasn't tracked or followed.

XXX

Suddenly my nightmares seemed to decrease, and instead was placed by dreams of moving away starting fresh, making new friends and more importantly finding old ones. I had lived the last few years in fear, and I was tired from the constant state of alertness, I needed a break. I needed hope. I needed a place of refuge to renew my strength and spirit. Zion means refuge or sanctuary I recalled the words from Mike's letter and I smiled.

That was it my mind was made up. I would go there for a couple of weeks see what I could find and go from there. I would see about getting a trade in on my car but I'd do it out of town, so if there was any tracking device on it. It wouldn't reveal where I was. Course I knew I could easily be tracked through any license plate but it might slow any one following me down. Not that I thought the Foot were really watching me that much any more after all this time, but I had learned to be cautious and to take nothing for granted.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**The Journey Home**

Disclaimer: I don't own the turtles or April.

**Chapter two:**

I know it seemed ridiculous to go chasing after a dream, but I recalled once being a part of that very same dream. I had known five wonderful, unique sentient beings that could not be called human and yet somehow seemed to endow the best of human kind. Then they had vanished, disappearing into a dark and troubled night until there was only a haunting memory left, and some very small mementoes to prove to me that they had been real, they had existed.

I recalled Leo's stern and firm gaze, his brisk way, gentle caring and willing to do everything for those he loved and called family. Like the lion himself he was proud, noble. Then there was Raph, dark, brooding. Sometimes I had a feeling Raph didn't care much for the human race, but considering the sort of people he often dealt with or came into contact with I suppose his views on humans had been based on his knowledge of them. Though there were a few that he called friend, and I felt extremely honoured to be one of them, of course I did my best to change his jaded opinion of man. Raph would probably kill anyone who called him sensitive or snarl some sort of comment about not being made into some pansy assed wimp, but under his rough exterior, his broiling hot temper and bitterness lay a person who would do anything for their friend and family. He would be lost without them.

Of course those two were gone now, and I could see in my mind's eye how Leo could have fallen first only for Raph to seek revenge. I just wish Raph hadn't taken Casey with him that night, of course if he hadn't then maybe Don and Mike would also now be dead.

I tried in so many ways to talk myself out of it, to go on with my life as Don had told me to, on the night they had returned. It was why Don had severed all connections with me, and I knew that I could no longer rely on them to spare me from the Foot.

Most people I suppose wouldn't have thought twice about trying to reconnect with people who had more or less abandoned me to my fate, and clearly showed that they no longer desired to have anything to do with me. But to me they were like family, we had laughed, cried, shared, triumphed over challenges, and had been weakened when hit too hard, too fast for too long. We had pulled together and stuck by one another through so much for so long that it was impossible for us to not share some sort of bond.

It is true, that Mike and Don did what they thought was best, but they were reeling from everything they had been put through and acted on simple instinct instead of listening to their hearts.

Yes! I had my doubts about going to face them now, I wasn't sure if I would find them or not. Or if I did somehow manage to find them if I could convince them of anything. I knew I was probably letting myself in for a big let down. My mind said, don't go. My heart said, go to them they need you. I was a logical sort of person familiar with computers and there programs, scientific theory and logically I knew that if Don and Mike didn't want to be found there would be no way in the world I would find them.

That my intentions to go to Zion would lead me on the proverbial, goose chase, or in this instance great turtle chase.

I didn't care what my mind or thoughts told me, all I knew was my heart said go, return to them, they need you and their honour their pride will not permit them to come back this way. So if they won't come to you; You must go to them.

So there you have it. I second guessed my decision I don't know how many times, and in the end I still left New York with my daughter and headed to Zion national park in Utah, clinging to that one faint hope, that slim possibility that my heart could guide me to find the missing members of my family, so I would no longer feel as if I was empty.

Of course traveling with a two year old is always entertaining as well as tedious, so I had to make frequent stops, and I worried that in spite of all my precautions that the Foot were following me, though I believe they had given up on the turtles connecting with me and had eventually accepted that I knew no more information about the survivors of the Clan. Still the last thing I wanted was to bring the Foot clan to where the turtles lived, and I had taken a few vacations trips before and never been hassled by anyone. So I felt that going off for a trip would not pique the curiosity of those I wanted the most to avoid.

XXXX

I like Zion it was beautiful, natural wild. I settled into a hotel not far from the park, and there was a bus that could take you into the park. For the first few days I must say I peered deeply into every thick brush, carefully scrutinized every rustling leaf, and went out of my way to find the most secluded and less traveled areas of the park as possible. All in the hopes of catching sight of my long lost friends. But of course it got me nothing and as I neared the end of my time in the park, I had to realize that my hopes and dreams had been dashed once again.

It had been a daunting task, with no hopes of ever truly achieving the goal, like finding the proverbial needle in the haystack. I found myself feeling more gloomy and depressed the longer I stayed there and I snapped a bit more at Casey, making me feel like such an ingrate for doing so.

Really what had I expected? To come here and find them just like that? Well I guess in some way I had felt just that way. At any rate I decided to give up the dream and just enjoy the last day or two in the park enjoying the scenery.

Casey loved the park and we walked the trails she would find little treasures of a pine cone, rock, feather and bring them to me squealing with joy at her precious find, and this, our second to last day was no different. She was walking along for the moment, while I pushed her stroller, silently musing to myself that I may of had better luck if I hadn't brought Casey with me, but I wouldn't have felt right leaving her with just anyone for the couple weeks. I was so lost in my thought I didn't notice Casey get to close to the edge of the trail.

I did hear her startled yell of fear as she slid down the steep embankment. "CASEY!" I yelled as I ran to where I could see she had disappeared. "Casey baby?" There was a cloud of dust and rubble and I heard Casey crying, possibly she was hurt, and she was most definitely frightened. "Honey, mommy is coming for you stay right where you are. Okay?" I called down to her.

I glanced around and saw no one else on the path so I left the stroller near where Casey had gone down at and then tried to find the easiest way down without, managing to hurt myself in the process, because I wouldn't be much use to my daughter if I broke an arm or a leg. I had to squat low and I grabbed onto trees or vines where I could as I made my way down ward. Casey had gone down quite far from the path way, she was lying in a huddled ball just screaming.

I was anxious to get to her, and my maternal instincts were telling me all kinds of things, _'What kind of mother are you? Here you are alone in the wilderness, no one knows your here and now because of your incompetence your daughter has suffered broken bones and numerous other injuries. I hope you are satisfied!"_

I pushed that thought out of my mind. My heart hammered, as I slipped and almost tumbled, somersaulting further down, but I flung out an arm and grabbed a tree barely catching hold enough to slow my forward momentum. The rough bark scraped my hand. I paused to catch my breath wondering as I looked up ward how I was going manage getting my daughter and I both back to the path. Then I heard a low snarl from the bush coming from the right side of Casey.

I looked in that direction and froze, as I saw a lithe sandy brown shape moving in the trees. I knew there were cougars around here. Mike had mentioned it, plus there were signs in the park. _**'No! No dammit**. I will not lose my daughter to a cougar.'_ I stooped down finding a pine cone and tossed it, it didn't have much weight to it and so didn't come close. "**Go away! Leave her alone!**" I yelled waving my arms in desperation, as I suddenly started a mad scramble towards my daughter. As my voice seemed to echo off every rock and stick in the area.

I realized then how alone I was out here, and I hadn't been this scared for a while, luckily I was still moving.

The cougar came into view and it was closer to Casey who was still lying in a huddled ball of tears, dirt and grit. The wild feline licked it's lips and squatted in preparation to pounce, and I was still too far away to do anything other than watch this over grown fleabag kill my only child. I screamed incoherently and the cougar snarled in vicious reply as if to say that all the noise in the world could not stop it from it's intentions.

"Eat stick Felix" Came a shout as something leaped from a tree and rammed a bo staff towards the cat, the green legs that straddled my daughter were the most welcome sight I had seen for so long. It was Don. I don't know if he knew who it was he was saving, all I knew was he was risking his life to save my daughter.

The cougar leaped undaunted, perhaps the scent of turtle only encouraged it, Don crouched reaching down with a free hand to grab Casey, with the other hand he rammed the end of his staff into the cat's soft belly causing the animal to snarl as Don dived and rolled to safety. He stood up bo at the ready to face the cougar, but the animal had enough and was all ready heading into the woods at top speed.

Don's chest heaved slightly, as he then turned to look my way.

"Donny?" I called.

"You shouldn't have come April" He remarked flatly, "Mike told me he wrote to you, and he shouldn't have bothered you." He glanced at Casey who was still screaming and he awkwardly bounced her in his arms. He set her down and looked her over. "She's okay a few cuts and bruises." He informed me.

"Don, Mike is worried about you, and I wanted to see you again." I insisted.

"So you bring your daughter here to endanger her life as well as your own is that it?" Don snapped his eyes narrowed, he shook his head abruptly "Go home April. Forget us, forget we exist!"

I noticed the bandages on his wrist, "Why so you can continue to let your honour get the better of you Donatello?" I demanded sharply, as I came up.

Hearing my angry voice Casey began to sob, "Sorry Mommma Sorry."

I picked her up rubbing her back "Sssshh, babe" I soothed her. I looked Don in his green eyes and pleaded with him "It seems your endangering your life, for whatever reason and Mike needs you Don."

Don shook his head in bitterness "Don't you think I know that April?" he inquired. "I'll get you up there and then you leave and don't come back." He informed me simply.

I recalled Leo acting like this when things got rough, and yet I couldn't let Don go there was a haunted look, a pain filled anguished look in his eyes that caught me in and pulled me under like a riptide in the water. I knew that he was rejecting me on pretext alone, pushing me away, trying to shut himself off. If Mike was here, I'm sure he would have all ready greeted me with open arms, and there was a time I would have thought Don would have too.

Things change though, and Don had to accept a great deal of responsibility in trying to keep both him and Mike safe. I knew I had but a short time to convince Don to not send me away.

Besides now that I saw him and could feel his pain, I knew I couldn't just turn around and walk away pretending that he didn't exist. He was my friend and he was hurting and he needed help. "Don I can't leave you not now that I found you."

He gave a small smirk, and arched an eye ridge as he pulled a rope from his belt, "Then what is to keep me from leaving you April?" He asked.

"The fact that we are family Don, We need each other, we were family before and we are family now. Blood is thicker than water, and the fact that we are connected means you can't just turn your back on us and leave us Don."

Casey sniffed and looked at him, he looked a bit thinner and not as muscled as he had once been, and though he didn't wear his pads, he still wore his mask and belt. Casey wiped her nose with the back of her hand, and typical child then went to rub her eyes with the same hand, her mouth formed a small circle, "Don?" she said in a low voice.

Don smiled at her, for a moment his features softening into the gentle more familiar look I knew.

"This is my daughter named Casey Dawn" I told him, "You were always there when I needed you and today was no different. Can't you, won't you let me be there for you Don?"

Don didn't seem to acknowledge my question in any way, he threw the rope up and with an expert toss as any had the grappling hook catch securely onto a branch of a tree near the path. "Hold onto your daughter April, we are going up" he said in a flat tone.

I sighed knowing I didn't have much time and I didn't know what I could or would say to change his mind.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

**The Journey Home**

**Disclaimer:** I deny any ownership of Don, Mike and April they are and have always been owned by Mirage.

**Chapter Three:**

I tried to figure out what to say, or do to try and convince Don that running me off wasn't the way to go. I hadn't gone through so much, just to realize my dreams and hopes and have him shut the door in my face. "Look Don this isn't going work. I'll just keep coming back here and I will find you even if you try to disappear" I vowed firmly, "I'm not going lose you again. Don't I have as much of a say as you do, on if I want to be in your life or not?"

Don rolled his eyes giving me a sour look "I'm not going debate this with you April," he remarked.

I smiled "Good then it's settled..."

"That's right you are leaving" he cut in, his tone allowing no room for argument.

"You are going send me away without even letting me see Mike?" I asked.

"That's right if Mike knows you are here, then he'll figure that we ought to be back together again." Don pointed out.

"What is wrong with that?" I fumed as I placed, Casey down and put my hands on my hips.

"He shouldn't have contacted you in the first place. We are not going back to New York April. **EVER!"** He swallowed sharply, " The City lasted years before we came and it will last years now we are gone. The Foot can have it and turn it into what ever they want. Don't you see they won." he declared flatly and gave a disgusted shake of his head, " If we go back they will kill us too. Mike isn't as good as he used to be. He can manage but in a major battle some soldier would be able to take him out. I won't be able to keep him safe." Don explained.

There was something else though, something that laid under his words, a feeling, a glimpse of something that is quickly shoved away, brushed aside. Mike had been right he was hurting, and I had to wonder how Mike himself had come to accept or deal with the changes in their lives. Perhaps the letter to me, hadn't been just a cry for help for Don but for him too. Mike was afraid of being alone, and I was almost one hundred percent positive that Don also feared losing Mike.

There was still so much pain and hurt here, that lay just under the surface, and there was no telling how far it went down or how thick it was because all one could see was the little bit that revealed itself at the surface. These were ninja well used to hiding their emotions, and yet I also knew that they weren't always as capable of hiding things as they wanted to. Course Raph and Leo had always been fairly good at keeping secrets hiding real emotions or thoughts, I think Raph more so than Leo. But I was also aware that they were all fully capable of it.

Don went and got Casey, she struggled in his arms, "Now hold onto your daughter we are going up."

"Don do you even know what I was put through..." I started but then realized that might not be the best way, as I saw a fleeting look of concern cloud his eyes, he knew what he had left me to. Don hung his head.

"I'm sorry April" he whispered, looking down at his toes in silence and unease.

"Don. Donny boy where'd ya go?"

I heard the voice coming through the trees, recognizing it instantly. I saw a startled look on Don's face as if he knew then that time was running out and he motioned for me to shush, to say nothing. I smirked, I knew he probably wasn't going appreciate this, but I wasn't about to be sent off like some child who was being punished. These two were my family damn it! I wasn't about to lose them again. "Mike is that you? Don's over here with me April" I called cheerfully.

"**April**?" He practically shouted in his enthusiasm, " Your here!"

At least one of them seemed happy to see me. "Yes. So is my daughter Casey."

Don glowered at me "Why did you do that?" he mouthed at me.

I ignored it as I saw Mike step from around some trees, and head in almost a straight path towards us at a run, veering only to miss a rock, tree, or tree root that had worked it's way up. There were three grouse tied on his belt and I figured that was going be there meal for tonight as Mike had mentioned something in his letter about hunting in the park. I was amazed with how well he seemed to know where he was, moving with ease and without the assistance of a stick or anything else to guide him.

In moment's though he had wrapped his arms around me and hugged me close "It is great seeing you again April" he assured me. "Don has invited you back home to visit with us right?"

"Not really I hadn't gotten around to it yet." Don mumbled.

Mike turned and looked at him, "No of course not. It's kind of hard trying to invite her home when you want to chase her off." He accused.

"I wouldn't do that Mike" Don protested his innocence.

"You know I'm partially blind. Not partially deaf." Mike retorted, " I heard you Don. April came all this way and..."

"She wouldn't be here if you hadn't written to her." Don declared.

"That's right and you lectured me about that. Not as good as Leo would have" Mike sighed a bit, "But you did _try."_ Mike stated, as he waved a hand in dismissal, "But she came looking for us. We owe her any answers, a bit of reunion whatever she wants after the way we left her that night Don." Mike insisted with a great deal of conviction.

I thought I heard Mike choke up a bit at the last words, but it was hard to say for sure, after all I had mentioned how good they were, or had been, at hiding certain things.

Don exhaled a large exasperated breath of air and rolled his eyes, "Well looks like I have to go up there anyways to retrieve the stroller. Last thing we need is for some one to come upon it and start a search party" he caved in with a great deal of reluctance. "Mike why not take Casey and April on to our place. I'll catch up" he finally permitted.

"Sure Don" Mike beamed wide at those words, as he softly whispered out of the side of his mouth, "I'm glad you made it April. I'm really worried about him." He sniffed a bit.

"There is no where else I would rather be" I assured him as I placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, "Casey honey come on over here." I called to her she had wandered a little ways off and was playing with some pine cones. She immediately got up and came over to us. I picked her up "Casey, I want you to meet your Uncle Mike. He used to know your daddy babe." I wasn't sure how much Mike could see her. I know he mentioned things looking blurry and fuzzy to him.

He reached out and touched her hand and slowly his hand traveled up her arm to caress her cheek, chin , and hair. " She's beautiful April just like you."

" I think she looks more like her father." I commented.

"Maybe." Mike shrugged a little, "Come on we don't live too far from here."

Too far for one person might not be the same view for another. I knew that the boys version of, not too far from here, could be any where to a few miles from home.Mike swung Casey up and placed her on his shoulders. "I'll try to bend down so I don't sweep her off on low branches" he remarked in a slightly joking tone. Luckily I was used to him and his sense of humor so wasn't as concerned as I may have been other wise. However I soon realized that his joke might end up more true than not.

As he headed into the bush, it was clear he was used to moving about on his own, but a few branches did look like they came close to Casey, and I wondered if this was just more of Mike's sense of humour trying to scare me, or if he was truly unaware of a stick or leaf that might jab Casey in the eye. Either that or in the few years we'd been parted I had forgotten a few things about my friends. As we walked through the trees, Mike kept talking with me about normal sort of things.

When Casey had been born, what it was like being a mother, what had I been doing other than caring for Casey, as if carefully skirting the real issues. Course there would be time for those later. In between his many questions he told me about their home. "It's a log cabin, Don and I built together. Took quite a bit of work dragging fallen trees to this spot and working with an axe and other simple tools. We have a fireplace which we use for cooking and heating, two bedrooms a small living room area, and most important indoor plumbing." He grinned over his shoulder, "No stumbling out to the out house for us."

"Do you have a TV?" I inquired recalling the hours Mike used to park in front of the screen watching one show after another.

"Yeah but no cable or satellite. Just a few channels. It is mostly for movies" Mike replied, "That is one thing I miss about the city. Don even set up his computer, he even figured out a way to run it on solar power."

Somehow that didn't surprise me. Don without a computer was like Mike without a TV practically unheard of. I could just imagine Don and Mike working on the place and Mike pestering, and badgering Don about his shows. While Don himself probably couldn't wait to get onto the computer and internet to learn or research from.

"In fact Don was all right long as he kept busy. it was when there was nothing much else to do, and supplies for some of his projects are pretty slim out here. He had a hell of enough time as it was just getting the bathroom, TV and computer set up to his likings you know..." Mike lapsed into silence.

"Go on Mike," I urged.

"Well it was just when he had nothing to really do, to occupy him he started dwelling on other things and now he doesn't seem interested in that sort of stuff. I think he sort of got lost, trapped in his own pain and he hasn't found his way back out. To life you know. He's given up." Mike turned and looked my way, "He'd do better if he could get back into it. But he won't, he doesn't. I've tried to tell him we could give this place up and go closer find a country home or something like that."

"He doesn't want to though." I concluded.

Mike nodded somberly, "It is like he doesn't want what will make him happy. It's almost as if he is intent on being here as a form of punishment, if that makes any sense." Mike scrunched his face up as he tried his best to explain, "I've tried talking to him. I've done everything I can think of short of taking off on my own, but I'm afraid of what he might do to himself if I did take off" he confessed.

"The bandages on his wrist..." I muttered.

"Yeah his most recent attempt. He went into the bush, told me he was going hunting. I felt something wasn't right I followed best I could. He went total ninja and managed to avoid me used a small dagger." Mike swallowed and trembled, "April I hate to admit it. I hate to lay this on you..." he stopped glanced around almost nervously, "But I feel that if I can't do it maybe you can. I don't want to lose Don, he's all I have of family left." I saw a tear trickle from his eye and soak into the orange mask as he looked my way.

I reached out both hands to clasp his into mine. "You have me as family too Mike. Casey and I are part of your family. with all your concerns and fear for Don, have you dealt with Leo or Raph's passing?" I wondered.

He shifted ducking his head down, not really answering that as we neared what looked like a thick bush, Mike swung Casey off his shoulders, and moved some branches aside. Mike and I both had to crouch quite low as we moved through the bush suddenly the bush parted and there in what could only be a man made, or in this instance turtle made, clearing stood the small crude log cabin that was home to the turtles. "The water from the house is piped from a large stream just the other side of the bush at the backside of the house. Water we have to heat on the fireplace though. Don said he was going work on something for that, but that was before he lost his way."

It looked a far cry from the turtle lair, that had all the high tech gadgets, gizmos and what have you that any home could think of and then some. This looked so humble, plain, simple. But it served it's purpose of providing warmth, shelter. Yet looking at it I could almost feel there was no heart in this place. It was a place to live, to get by on but it was not by any stretch of the imagination a home. Had Don known even as he built this place that it was hollow as his own heart?

He said he had come here to heal, and yet this place seemed to be a wound in and of itself that needed to be cleansed. I wrapped my arms around my self as I looked at it.

Casey cooed and clapped her hands "Howse mommy. Play howse."

"Yeah we get to play house every day here." Mike remarked. I thought I heard just a bit of disgruntlement in his words, or maybe it was my imagination. "Don and I can bunk in one room you can have the other for tonight at least" he offered, "Tonight's menu is chicken." He pulled the birds from his belt, "Home grown potatoes, salad, and berries for dessert."

"Sounds good" I answered cheerfully.

"Yeah but I'd kill for pizza about now." Mike informed me as he sat down near the cabin to start plucking the bird feathers, much to Casey's amusement she'd pick up the feathers showing me or using them to tickle me with.

A few minutes later Don entered the area with the stroller, I saw him look toward Casey, and then he looked my way there was a resigned look in his eyes, as if he had convinced himself he was stuck with us for now, but was possibly going eject us at the most opportune moment in the near future. Casey ran towards him tickling him with a feather. Don hardly seemed to acknowledge the slight brush of feather against his skin as he strode towards us, "Well April is it what you were expecting?" he asked gesturing to the cabin.

"It is very nice and suitable for the time being Don. You have always been resourceful, but it never ceases to amaze me" I replied honestly, "It may not have the luxuries of the lair. But no one says this has to be permanent right?"

Don smiled and relaxed just a little "It is good to see you again April" he admitted tightly. I thought I saw something in his eyes, a tiny spark of the shy genius that lay somewhere inside him, then it was gone as if it didn't exist making me wonder if I really seen it or not. He looked back at Casey "Casey, named after her father. Very fitting" he said.

"I know Casey and I talked about so many names before..." I stopped as I saw Don jerk slightly back, "However with all that happened I just felt boy or girl it had to be Casey to honour him. Casey Dawn Jones."

Casey ran to me as I spoke her name. Yes I had named her for her father, but also for the one turtle I had felt a kinship with, there had always been a bond between Don and I. We'd talk to one another about science, bounce theories off one another and when it came to work on computers the two of us could unscramble, hack or otherwise work out any glitch there was. Yes, there had been a bond of sorts between us, I couldn't deny it then. But it was one of friendship and I knew that the turtles had never considered me as anything other than a sister.

I could not turn my back on what I felt was my brother I knew he was hurting and to leave him, leave us all like this in limbo was something I couldn't begin to face or bear. The journey I had started had just begun and the road ahead was too dark as yet to see where it may lead.

Don smiled, "Bring Casey inside April. We ought to treat those scrapes and stuff." He suggested kindly as he turned to walk inside, "Don't worry all the weapons are locked up except for the ones we have on us so she won't hurt herself."

I stopped myself from saying that it didn't seem to stop him from hurting himself.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

The Journey Home

Disclaimer: I own only Casey Dawn Jones, all other characters in this story is owned by Mirage.

**Chapter Four.**

Don tenderly fixed up Casey's injuries, he tousled her hair "You were very brave." He picked her up from where she sat on the kitchen chair and set her down. "I suppose you have to get back home soon huh?"

I shook my head " You really are trying to get rid of me aren't you Don, but what I don't understand is why?"

Don turned and looked at me, "Why? **Why?**" he echoed again, "Maybe because it is about time that you had a chance to live a normal life April. If we hadn't met you..."

"I would have been killed by Baxter's mouser robots" I cut in, "That wouldn't be very normal you know."

" I was hoping to give you a chance to not be caught up in our myriad misadventures, to live without fearing what was coming or what would or could happen to us. Not to mention, that we would be just a bitter reminder to how you lost her father. I knew that the Foot might follow you, may try to get information out of you. But I figured their desire to learn about us would be enough to not harm you too badly." he confessed, "It was a risk and a gamble, and I hated playing with your life like that." he gritted his teeth and his hands flexed into tight fists by his side, "But I felt that it could be worth it **if** you had the chance to live a normal life. Or as normal as life gets."

" Don, look maybe my life isn't normal by staying connected to you, perhaps I did allow myself to get caught up in your lives, as did Casey. But to turn our backs on you would have been a greater crime. You guys are family..."

"Great! Even so April, how do you expect to explain to your daughter that our brother was responsible for her father's death? We failed you April. Failed you and Casey" he declared bitterly.

"I will tell her the truth. Her father died while trying to help our friends." I stated, " You didn't fail us Don, nor did you fail Leo or Raph."

Don gave me a distant almost cold stare, that seemed to say 'what do you know about it?' He gave a heavy sigh. "I'll go get Mike's room ready for you for tonight. Do me a favour and see if you can help Mike with dinner preparations." he muttered skirting the fact that he wanted me out of here.

"Don, understand one thing. You are not driving me away. I have to go back to the hotel and book out or arrange to stay longer, but I am not going back to New York City. I am on holiday but there is no need to hurry home as I work from my computer anyway. Yes, there is the store, but that has never brought in a lot of money. What is important is here, and I can't leave seeing you and Mike both like this." I informed him with conviction.

He turned to face me "Still as stubborn as ever" he muttered as he turned and left.

"I could say the same" I called out after him before heading back outside.

Mike turned his head "Well April he still threatening to send you home?"

"Yeah" I chuckled a little, "Not that it is getting him very far. Mike how bad is your eye sight?"

"Oh it isn't too bad. See the Foot threw something in the eyes, and it took a bit, in the heat of battle for Don to clean them out and by then the damage was done." He gave a small shrug. "You know how it is on a real foggy day, you see distant shapes through the haze, you can't quite make out who it is, not till they get closer to you. That is how it is for me, everything is like seeing through a fog, a haze. I can see colour but, like shapes, it sort of blurs too. Watching TV doesn't mean what it used to" he gave a sad shake of his head. "Don reads to me though. I bug him about it being my bedtime stories." Mike gave one of his light hearted grins, the ones I recalled so well. "So how long can you stay?" he inquired.

I could hear the hint of hope in his voice as he asked this simple question. "Until Don chases me off I guess." I replied casually. He beamed wide and I could feel his relief.

"That's great April." He cheered.

"Don suggested I help you with dinner, is there anything I can do?" I offered.

While I helped Mike prepare the meal, collecting lettuce, and tomatoes from a small garden that was at the back of the house, I considered the circumstances it seemed neither of them had fully dealt with the ramifications of losing Raph and Leo. It may have been easier for them to handle had they lost just one of them, and not both at once. Mike though acted like he had at least come to grips with it, while Don still was suffering blaming himself. I kept hearing Don's words '_We failed you.'_ ring in my mind.

I understood the concept of seppuku, having been around the boys for so many years, it is kind of hard not to learn about these things. Not that I felt suicide was ever the answer, but I knew that was the way the boys were raised. Don clearly felt that he had lost honour and the only way to get it back was by following the codes and edicts of the ninja.

Both Mike and Don were different, while they were both creative, and more laid back in attitude one could almost see what made them their own unique beings. Don was quiet, a little shy, he had a sense of humour but it was more hidden and subtle at times. Don's creativity came out in his inventions and programs. He liked to be on his own and yet he cared about his family. Mike on the other hand was loud, sociable, he had been one to hide his pain behind his humour more than once, and I wouldn't be surprised if he did it again. Mike allowed his creativity to come out in writing, cooking, and playing jokes on his brothers.

I bit my lip, Mike had always depended on his brothers, and I shuddered to think what would happen to him if he was left without Don in this wilderness. Don, the still waters that ran deep, trying to hide his pain and anguish pulled from one end to the other, his love of family telling him Mike needed him; while his ninja training told him that he had no honour by running. Had no honour by leaving me to my fate.

I shook my head, they had come here to heal, and yet I had a feeling the wound had only festered. No. I couldn't, wouldn't turn my back on them now. I shuddered a bit as I realized that I had probably found them in the nick of time. They saved my life so often in the past, the mouser robots being only the start of it all, so it seemed only fitting that I tried to save theirs. It seemed that Don would be the biggest challenge to that, and strange as it seemed I knew Don didn't really have the heart to drive me off.

I knew if Don wanted to he could force the issue, drive me off, or he and Mike could go out hunting and not return, but in spite of Don's threats and posturing I had a feeling he didn't want me to go any more than Mike did. I had a feeling Don wanted me gone, more because he felt that our friendship was a threat, if only because of how different they were from the rest of the world, that they would draw the wrong sort of attention, and any one they called ally could be used as a pawn.

Perhaps Don felt I had sacrificed enough for them over the years, and in the end they could only bring me pain. What ever his reasons he was determined to keep a wall between the two of us, and that was something I couldn't stand.

So while I ate dinner and joined in the conversation, mostly with Mike, I tried to figure out exactly what I would do to bring down that barrier. I noticed Don watching us though if I turned to look a him full on, he'd drop his eyes to his plate or glance towards Casey. I smiled to myself, "Don penny for your thoughts."

"If that all my thoughts are worth I'll keep them to myself April" he replied simply, as he stabbed a bit of grouse on his fork and moved the utensil to his mouth.

"Come on Don you have to have some input," I probed.

"No he keeps all the input on his computer" Mike laughed.

Casey chomped a tomato from her salad, and made a face as the juice and pulp from it squirted out, she then laughed, clapping her hands in triumph of the trick. "Sqwert" she said.

"Don you know it might be better if you talk about what is bothering you." I hinted.

He arched an eye ridge in surprise "Who says that there is something bothering me?" he countered. "I'm fine."

Mike nodded " I agree you are F.I.N.E. Donny boy."

"See Mike agrees you could be taking things out of proportion April, seeing things that aren't there." Don declared.

" Your ninja meaning you let show only what you want" I remarked, _And sometimes if things are real emotional you might show some of you don't want, _I mused to myself.

"April sees what I do, Don, and that is that you are frazzled, insecure, neurotic and emotional, hence F.I.N.E" Mike cut in.

"I am not frazzled" Don corrected abruptly.

"Oh sorry I meant to say feigning indifference, neurotic and emotional." Mike teased.

For a moment I allowed the two to banter between one another, and I had a feeling that this was something they hadn't done much of for some time. They both seemed to relax a little as they continued to eat their dinner.

Don finished his meal and stood up gathering his dishes, " I'll have dessert later."

"Going for your evening walk?" Mike asked he seemed to tense slightly.

I recalled Mike's words from earlier about how Don had gone for a walk, only to follow and interrupt Don in trying to kill himself. If that was the case then Mike had good reason to suddenly become concerned.

"Yes" Don answered, showing no sign of emotion.

"Care for some company Don?" I cut in.

Mike nodded "Good idea. I can keep Casey here amused by telling her the story of Red Riding hood and the three Bears. Plus it will give Don a chance to show you where some of our booby traps are set."

Don gave an ominous look Mike's way, but he gave another soft resigned sigh "April is not staying."

Mike gave him a dismissive wave "Yeah, I know but she still ought to know where they are if only to keep this little half pint of trouble out of mischief, if you know what I mean."

"Look if you don't want me to..." I started.

Don looked my way, "No it's all right. It will give us a chance to talk" he replied giving me a look that was partly hopeful part melancholy, he gave me a wistful smile "I have missed you" he confessed. "It is good seeing you again."

I smiled, in return it seemed he had accepted, or was willing to accept the inevitable, perhaps he had missed our friendship of working on computers. Then again maybe he only wanted to get me alone if only, to try and persuade me why I shouldn't be here; either way our talk ought to be very interesting. I was all ready formulating how to get him to open up, while at the same time try to find out what was going on so I could have a better view of the trouble he was in since coming to Zion.

_If this is to be a place of healing, then it is time to do just **that!**_ I told myself.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

**The Journey Home**

**Disclaimer**: I deny any ownership of the ninja turtles and their friend April.

**Chapter Five**

I walked outside with Don, inhaling the scent that I had always related to the outdoors, earth, pine needles, the cool evening air. I could hear Casey squeal with delight as we stepped away from the cabin, obviously Mike was distracting her from the fact mom was going away for a bit. We moved in silence, though often my feet betrayed me by causing some noise. I had never learned how to move as quietly as my friends but I was able to keep the noise down to a minimum.

I recalled Leo once trying to teach me to be silent in the ninja way, " Still your breathing April, move with caution and care." I could see him shaking his head as he watched me move through the sewer water "You disturb the water instead of being one with them," he chided gently.

"I want to be one with this sludge?" I retorted a bit. I heaved a heavy sigh, I did miss Leo and that memory of his soothing calm caused me a bitter sweet melancholy.

Don lead me to an area where he started to point out different booby traps that protected their homes, subtle snares, and well hidden traps like large holes that were well concealed or trip wires that permitted large logs to break loose or what have you. He didn't speak much, as if lost in his own inner turmoil or unwilling to make conversation, or a bit of both. For a while I concentrated on what he was showing me.

"Have you been working on anything new Don?" I inquired casually.

"What? There aren't many junk yards or the like to scavenge from around here. Not like..." He paused, "Not to mention that my creativity along that line has bottomed out."

I stopped and looked at him in disbelief "I find that so hard to accept. You were always full of ideas or..."

Don's eyes turned dark all of a sudden "It didn't matter. It couldn't stop what happened." He snapped sharply.

"You don't blame yourself for what happened to Leo do you?" I wondered.

Don shook his head as he moved away from the cabin and through the bush, that hid their home so well, to the outside area of vast forest and cliffs. Somewhere I heard an owl hooting softly the call sounded mournful. Don stopped and hung his head for a moment, "Leo did what he did, so we could survive. He wanted the rest of us safe. Someone had to stay and face Karai, logically he was the best one. Leo faced the best chance of defeating her and getting away. Or at least holding her off until we could insure a clean get away and come back for him," Don explained, " Circumstances were against him. Maybe we had to lose Leo that night I've accepted that. But **damn it!"** A balled fist came down hitting his leg, "We didn't have to lose Raph and Casey too." Don kicked at a rock and sank down to sit upon a fallen tree a dejected resigned look on his face.

" You blame yourself for Raph and Casey?" I asked, but it came out far more of a statement then a question, "Those two were too much alike. Both of them hotheads and impulsive enough to dive into trouble with out thinking twice, never mind thinking about what they were doing once."

Don gave me a distant look "I am well aware of what they were like," he said in a flat emotionless voice, "All the more reason **why** I should have known what he was up to. That Raph would leave and lure Casey away because those two would always help the other out, no questions asked. I was more exhausted then I thought and fell asleep at my computer." Don spoke with bitter recollection of what had happened. " I should have realized Raph gave in too easy that night, that he was going sneak out. I was too late..." Don hung his head.

"How many times did Raph sneak away Don, was he ever caught slipping out of the lair or back in?" I inquired hoping to point out to him that it was useless to stop Raph when he had his mind set, I ought to know I had dealt with his human counterpart enough.

Don raised his head to look at me, the cool shade of the forest making things already seem dark, even though full night would not be in effect for a few more hours. " In the early years he was often caught by Splinter or Leo." Don admitted, "Then both of them sort of gave up. I know you are trying to tell me I couldn't have prevented it. But I might have, if I only had... been more alert, used my training to let me know what was going on, or... I wouldn't of had to see half my family fall in one night."

"Don you are not responsible for Raph's choices or Casey's. Trust me I went through the same thing, berating myself saying there had to of been something I could have said to stop Casey from going out that night. Just as there were times I hated and despised you for leaving me, the way that you did. For removing yourselves, when I wanted to rage at you for taking Casey from me, and leaving me alone to face Foot when I was pregnant."

Don blinked in surprise as if he hadn't considered the fact, the remote possibility that I'd be angry at them.

I nodded and rested a hand on his shoulder " I realized my anger, spite and everything else was just making my pregnancy that much harder. I started focusing on my child, knowing whatever happened I'd have to protect my child. I guess I started living for Casey, if not for myself. Focusing things elsewhere. I started meditating, writing out my thoughts into a journal and, talking to my unborn child about what ever I might be feeling at the moment." I snorted a little, "Silly huh? But the more I did that it seemed to help and instead of living for just Casey, as I called my child all ready, I started living for myself as well." I thought about the time after the turtles had left.

I'd been an emotional basketcase, course I had lost Casey, and grief can do funny things to a person to begin with and the fact that I probably had all sort of out of whack hormones from being pregnant, only seemed to add to the strain and stress I was under at the time. Nights of not sleeping of screaming into a pillow, if only to avoid the police coming to investigate. All of the sympathizing well wishers who really didn't know what to say or do for me, and so couldn't wait to get out of my sight so they could be comfortable.

Of course by the time I had come to the determination that I would live for the sake of my unborn child is when the Foot started to show up doing their best to pressure, threaten and intimidate me into telling them where they could find the turtles. I guess until then they were celebrating their victory, choosing a new leader after the fall of Karai, and then trying to track down Don and Mike through other means. I suppose I should have been thankful that they at least waited until my head was more or less on right, because I really don't know how I would have responded to them if they had come for me sooner then they had.

I shook my head a bit as if to clear it of the fog of my memories, "Anyways Don, Raph knew what was going on and he snuck out numerous times before with no one the wiser..." I pointed out.

I saw something cross Don's face, perhaps it was just the shadows of the evening as it settled in around us, but I was sure it was more than that, that perhaps he was aware of the fact that what happened to Raph was as inevitable in it's own way as what happened to Leo, he just needed someone else to confirm it. "Don I forgive you for leaving me, I know why you had to do it. In fact in some ways it may have been better that way as it gave me a chance to grieve on my own," I soothed, "Of course maybe we could have had the chance to mourn the loss of family together, it might have made it easier all the way around." I shrugged shook my head, "But I know why you made the choice. I know too, that Leo would want his family, to survive no matter what."

"Leo had honour, so did Raph." Don spoke softly as he stood up. "I can't say that I acted appropriately considering our training." Don's shoulders slumped, "I failed Splinter's teachings, I am not ninja." he choked these last words out, "I am a disgrace to my clan."

I shook my head in denial, "That is not true!" I declared emphatically, " It is seppuku that could bring you dishonour Don, for it will leave Mike with no one and he needs you."

Don whirled and took a step towards me so he was standing toe-to-toe, a grimace on his face. "No it was dishonourable to run in the first place, to hide like cowards. I know in my heart we can never go back and face them, never get honour back as long as the Foot are alive." he snarled vehemently. " Not the way Mike is."

"Don you know as well as I do, when it comes to solving mathematical or scientific problems, one often has to think outside the box. When you have discounted everything else, whatever is left, however improbable is the solution. You have faced many difficult situations where you could not rely on linear thinking, of A leads to B which in turn leads to C. You had a circle of blood lust and revenge, vicious with no end. The death of one can only lead to the death of another. I'm sure you realize the trap you were caught in and made a jump to break free from that." I insisted. "You did your part to help the City, to protect it, but it was never your job to do so. Not like the police, and in many ways you four did far more than the men, and woman, in blue did." I smiled, "You don't have to go back to the city, but you can make peace with yourself and decisions. You can find something else to give your life meaning." I prodded. "Perhaps Don this isn't so much as a tragedy as a blessing in disguise."

Don snorted a bit "Some blessing" he grumbled.

"You and Mike are still alive aren't you?" I insisted.

"He's partially blind April." Don reminded me.

"Yes, but he is alive and that doesn't seem to bother him as much as it seems to bother you.Do you think for one moment that Mike blames you, or perhaps if he had his full vision that you two alone could go back and take on the whole Foot headquarters?" I demanded, " You have your family Don." I soothed.

" We don't have a family." Don said in a sharp way, "There is Mike and I."

" That is more family then a lot of people have Don, besides you forgot that you have Casey Dawn and myself in the family as well." I cut in.

I could see his doubts suddenly become more clear, and maybe just by talking about them, would help him to see that he hadn't failed as much as he thought. These were things he most likely wouldn't want to discuss with Mike, not wanting to burden Mike for whatever reason but he felt safe telling me, because he knew I would keep it confidential. For the moment I could see the turbulent waters raging under the surface, if only because Don was permitting me to see them, he was opening up to me.

Course all of the boys had come to me, at one time or another to vent at something one of their brothers had done, though Don had vented the most about the destruction, Mike and or Raph could cause on electrical or battery run objects when they were extremely bored. Raph would vent to Casey while the two of them were out drinking or busting heads but if he wanted advice or a solution to a problem he'd ask me.

I sighed a little realizing there was a lot to deal with and this was going take time. Don had allowed his insecurities to become truth, and the only way to restore honour was in the traditional way. Yet there was the honour and love he had, the whole family had for one another. Splinter had taught them Ninjitsu so they could look after one another when he was gone, the Ninja Master had sought to protect his sons, and perhaps while he raised and trained his children he could not help but think of the wrong done by Shredder. all his pain and grief had festered leaving him to feel that justice could not be returned without repercussions.

Like father, like son. It would take time to show Don, to prove to him the choice he made in haste honoured the family far more than taking his own life, or returning to continue this blood feud that could only end with all of them dead.

XXX

Over the next few days Don finally stopped trying to chase me away, he resigned himself to the fact that my daughter and I were there to stay. I won't say Don looked forward to our evening talks, but I hoped that by being there for him, offering my understanding and open ear, as well as compassion that he would start to relax. This seemed to be exactly the case and I secretly congratulated myself for getting through to Don especially as I began to see him mellow out a bit more.

Oddly enough Mike grew more tense at this time "Be careful April, he may not be acting like he's shutting himself off from the rest of us. But he is!"

"Mike how can you say that, he's not as angry as before, he seems to have accepted a great deal from our talks." I insisted.

"This is the calm before the storm. Maybe he feels you are here now that he doesn't have to be." Mike said.

I thought of our talk from the night before. It was just something Don had said during our talk about this, that or the other thing I hadn't thought much about it at the time, but Mike's warning now made me wonder if maybe he was right and there was something to fear.

_" It's good your here April. Mike sure enjoys playing with Casey." _

It was a casual every day comment nothing threatening or dangerous in it, really, and that was why I paid little attention to it. But it was possible that it wasn't what he had said as what he left unsaid. Course Don could have finally come around and only been stating the obvious, perhaps Mike was worried unnecessarily about things, after all Don had time to talk and come around. I couldn't have been more wrong.

XXX

On an afternoon three weeks later, we all headed out for a bit of a picnic. Mike giving Casey a piggy back ride on his shoulders and her squealing as she drummed her heels on his plastron. It was a beautiful warm day and it felt good to be all together, when Don said he had to go back to the cabin for something.

"Sure we'll meet you at our spot" Mike called back at ease as he trudged through the bush, "don't be gone too long Donny boy or we'll eat all the food."

For a while Mike walked a long talking to Casey and I about the picnic spot they used, when suddenly he stopped dead in his tracks "Don isn't going back to the cabin" he said abruptly as if the thought had just occurred to him.

"Of course he is Mike."

"No April, he's going to the cave," Mike insisted, "And that means one thing" Mike turned and grabbed my wrist, "Come on we might all ready be too late." Mike's voice edged close to frantic hysteria.

"Cave? What cave? What are you talking about?" I demanded as I ran along beside him.

"A cave we found once. It is well hidden and holds the bones of a few animals. It is up over this way." Mike explained as he started scrambling up a small hill, "Don goes there and...well..." Mike didn't finish his words, he just concentrated on moving fast and reaching his destination without losing myself or Casey.

I myself didn't know what to believe or accept. A part of me felt that Don truly had gone back to the cabin, but Mike's fear and certainty seemed almost contagious. I wanted to deny his words but felt that, knew in my heart, that Mike who shared a bond with his family, knew Don best and would not exaggerate.

We neared the cave, "I don't think Casey ought to go in." He swooped her off his shoulders and handed her to me, going in calling over his shoulder "Wait here."

I heard nothing from inside the cave and could only wait anxiously outside of it then I heard a loud "NO!" echoing out of the black opening. I couldn't tell if it was Mike or Don and I wondered which of them was playing games. I thought I heard a bit of a scuffle, or perhaps it was my imagination and anxiety trying to trick me. I chewed my lip and started to pace and even Casey sat quietly in my arms not struggling or protesting being held as she usually does.

I was starting to think I ought to go in there when Mike came out with Don, there was a fresh red spotted bandage around one wrist and a larger swath of white cloth wrapped around his throat and neck. Mike was grumbling "Why did you do it this time Donnie? Why do you have to keep doing this to yourself?" he snapped. I don't think I'd ever seen Mike so angry "Are you that selfish that you just want to end it all to escape? Are you just going leave me like this?" Mike demanded.

"You won't be alone Mike. You have April and Casey, just let me go. You might not feel that you have to do this but **I do!**" Don declared.

Mike shook his head "**No** I'm not going let you do this to yourself now or ever." Mike stopped and grabbed Don by the shoulder, his almost sightless eyes staring into Don's "You have to stop it Don! This can't go on! You didn't come out here to heal you came out here to die. Healing for you will only start when you leave this place." Mike accused. "You never seem to consider what you do to me when you do this. I'm tired of being your babysitter Don."

Don just glared at Mike "Then stop, and we'll both be happy." he growled.

I trembled not from cold, though I suddenly felt a dark chill pass over me, for the day was warm. I hadn't realized how quickly a perfect day could be ruined or destroyed. I had sensed nothing and if Don could fool me so well how could I ever hope to help him. By helping Don I had a feeling I would help Mike.

I heard Mike grumble "Maybe next time I ought to kill you myself as it seems that's what you bloody well want."

I cuddled Casey close and felt a tear slip from my eye wondering how to ease the pain and hurt that festered so between the two brothers, how could I make all of us a family again?

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

**The Journey Home**

**Disclaimer: **I deny any ownership of any adolescent transformed shadow warrior chelonians.

**Chapter Six:**

I felt betrayed and hurt by Don's actions, and could easily understand Mike's angry words towards his brother, for I too, wanted to scream and yell at Don for his selfishness. I couldn't believe that Don had played me for a fool so easily, seeming to be so perfect and fine only to go off and do something like this. Yet, in spite of my anger and my own hurt feelings I realized that this was just a cry for help, a clear sign of someone who was suicidal.

I had to admit even to myself that I hadn't wanted to consider or accept the facts before, perhaps I wanted to believe that I would be able to perform miracles, Don would see me and come around, able to accept things for what they were and then lay his guilt to rest. I knew Don cared for me, it was something I knew he tried to hide, and yet there was times, certain things he said, simple gestures that told me there was more to his words or actions then what he was willing to confess to. I felt for sure knowing he had those feelings for me that I could bring him around.

Yes, I confess he never once said anything along the line of ' I love you' . But then again there was Casey Jones and there were times I seen Don cast an almost envious look Casey's way. Too many times I heard Don inform my fiancé and later my husband, that he was very lucky. Casey just brushed it off in his usual way. Or on rare occasions would agree with Don that he was very lucky indeed, but that was about as far as it went. Don would not, nor could not stand in the way of Casey Jones. He might have convinced himself that he never stood a chance, that there was the age difference, and I was better off with a human. I however, had never looked as any of them as anything but human, in fact I saw them as far more human like then a lot of humans were.

So you see, I knew there was that connection, and I hoped his feelings for me hadn't died or changed in spite of the fact our lives had. I was hoping his love for me would win out over his tendency to hurt himself. In many ways the way he had fallen into accepting my being around, gave me false hope, while typically ninja like, keeping his true intentions hid from all but Mike who had been alerted that Don might pull something at any given time. I was thankful that Mike and his ninja instincts had not been conned as easily as I had been.

Our picnic was of course, cancelled, to which Casey complained loudly whining her protests "No home mommy. Casey picnic." she wailed.

I shushed her as I bounced her in my arms, for I knew Don's new injuries would take priority. We returned home under the weight of a very heavy silence that was full of unvoiced recriminations and anger, that especially surrounded, and came from the two ninja brothers.

When we finally arrived at the cabin I kept Casey outside to play some ball with her, getting her mind off of the fact, and allowing Mike to tend to Don's fresh wounds, while I didn't have to be around their tense and frigid attitude towards each other. After we played for a while I sat Casey down and had lunch from the picnic basket "We'll have our picnic here honey and it will be just as good" I assured her. Even though I myself didn't feel much like eating.

I heard a raised voice now and again coming from the cabin, though for the most part Don and Mike were keeping their voices low so as not to carry. Years of not drawing attention to themselves still showed even way out in the woods, where no one was likely to see or hear them anyways. The stray words that did reach my way were enough to cause me to wince, in sympathy but I wasn't sure who I empathized with more, Mike or Don.

Don finally banged open the door of the cabin, he shot a quick look my way, his eyes narrowed and hard, reminding me too much of Raph. Then before I could take a step towards him, Don took off using his ninja stealth to make it across and into the bush doing his best to avoid me and anything I might say.

In reality I had no idea what to think or tell him, my mind whirled with all kinds of possibilities, accusations such as _'How could you betray us?'_ To berating him for his choice _' The whole seppuku thing is ridiculous!'_ To sympathy _'I know you are hurting Don but we are here for you.' _None of these things would be well accepted by him in his present mood, not to mention that I had too many options to even decide on just **one** before he slipped into the shadows of the bush.

I turned back looking at the door, half expecting Mike to come out following after Don. But he didn't appear. I sighed wearily, exhausted more emotionally then physically, but still feeling worn out and drained. I swooped Casey up in my arms "Time for your nap" I declared.

"No nap. No tire mommy wanna play" she chanted earnestly.

"Not this time hon," I declared as I took her into the cabin and towards the room we shared, as I passed by the kitchen I thought I heard Mike crying ever so softly.

_What am I going to do? Things seem so hopeless._ I realized bitterly feeling tears suddenly come to my eyes and threatening to fall. I blinked them back stubbornly as I tucked Casey into bed and sang her a lullaby, ensuring she was asleep before slipping quietly from the room and heading toward the kitchen.

Mike sat hunched over in his chair, his elbows propped up on the table, his face buried in his hands. He looked so forlorn and upset, I couldn't help but feel sorry for him and want to sooth his hurting heart, knowing that he had done this so many times before, playing the role of the rescuer to Don. I moved behind his chair, aware that no matter how softly I tread he would still hear me, I reached up and began to rub his shoulders and neck area massaging the tense muscles, "Mike...I thought..." I began still not sure what I was going to say.

_'What did one say in these circumstances?'_

Mike sniffed, raising his head slightly from his hands and wiping at a few stray tears. " It is what he** wants **us to think, that everything is okay. I'm tired of saving Don from himself, sometimes I wonder if I ought to just let him do it. But I can't...I" Mike shook his head, swallowing hard, "I can't let Don do that to himself. Splinter always taught us to be there for one another, to help one another out...he said there was nothing we couldn't do. That while we were all strong and powerful as individuals as a team we were a powerful chain." Mike sniffed and hung his head, "The chain has been broken. Maybe that's it, maybe the two of us, alone, just don't have the strength to defeat this." His hand began tracing random patterns set in the grains of the wood on the table top.

"Mike you two can still make it" I vowed, "it is just that Don has to accept that fact as well. If you hadn't..." I choked up suddenly unable to complete the sentence.

Mike slammed his fist down hard on to the table top "I can't keep saving him April, he has to save himself, he has to choose life." Mike insisted firmly, "Maybe if I gave him the chance to do it then he **might **realize it isn't what he wants after all, only thing is he might find out after it is too late. maybe I ought to help him do it, just tried to kill him instead of saving him." Mike complained bitterly.

I jerked my hands away from him unsure I had heard what he said, stunned I moved to another chair and sank down into it "You don't really mean that do you Mike?" I pleaded softly almost afraid that he would indeed carry out his plan.

Mike sighed "I do...and I don't" he admitted the last part in a low whisper, "I'm just getting tired of it all April. I know he's sick and he needs help but Don is the smart one and I" Mike raised his head his eyes meeting mine, "I don't know enough to solve the problem or to make him better. I hate him and I love him. I want to kill him for being so selfish and I want to save him from his own stupidity" Mike confessed, blurting it all out his pain coming through all too clearly, "I want to beat him out of his shell, but I know it won't stop him from wallowing in self pity and it fact it might even make things worse."

I stood up and then kneeled in front of his chair hugging Mike, his arm slipped around my waist and I felt him pull me tighter to him. I could feel his body trembling ever so slightly, "It may take time but Don will come around. We will find a way to stop this" I vowed.

He called my bluff, "How do you expect to do that April?" He inquired simply.

"I'm not sure but we will find a way. We aren't going let each other down Mike." I declared.

It seemed like a placating, trivial statement ' we won't let each other down' very trite and simple. But I cared for these two and I knew that they had never let me down, not intentionally. They were my family and I meant those words.

XXX

That evening I waited anxiously for Don's return, slightly worried that he might have decided to complete the task that he had begun earlier. Mike as if sensing my fears spoke up "Don't worry April he won't try it again, at least not for a while."

I wanted to ask him how he knew, but I realized he'd been playing this game with Don for the last two years or so, and he was so attuned to Don that I was sure he would sense Don's intentions long before he got around to doing anything.

Still I waited outside in the cool of the evening with the tiny bugs buzzing in the air, mosquitoes repelled, thankfully, by the bug spray and citronella candles, wondering silently to myself if and when Don would return. Perhaps he was only waiting to come back after we were in bed when he would have to apologize or explain to the rest of us. However he could only avoid us for so long. I don't know how long I waited, I know that it grew increasingly darker, but other then that I had no real idea of how long I maintained my vigil.

Finally, Don emerged from the bush, he looked intently my way, he seemed uneasy and turned as if to vanish back into the woods and the enclosing darkness, clearly he wanted nothing to do with me at the moment perhaps because he wanted to avoid the feelings and emotions that had been brought up earlier.

"Don don't go. You can't run from this" I told him as I stood up, hearing a few bones creak in protest from sitting for too long.

"I don't need to hear about how wrong I was and any of that other garbage April." He informed me briskly, "It's not like I want to do this I just feel compelled to act on it" he confessed.

I walked towards him silently shelving his last words about not wanting to do this. Yes, it was true his loss of honour was compelling him to act out.

When I didn't speak or respond the weight of our silence must have gotten to be too much for him and he continued quickly, before I could think how to respond to his last words.

He sighed, "I know I'm letting everyone down. I know I am just hurting others through my actions. You think I don't know any of this?" he asked tensely, "I **know it**. I just can't seem to stop it." He ranted.

I reached out touching his arm trying to reassure him "You feel like you need that way out Don?"

Don scowled his brow furrowing, "Not really wanting out." He said hesitantly, "But..." he paused and shrugged.

When he didn't continue I realized he didn't have the words to voice what he was feeling. He who used to explain and comprehend the most abstract and complex theories, was suddenly at a loss for words unsure of what to say or how to speak of it.

I thought over all he had said to this point and realized that in spite of his knowing how much we loved him or thought of him, it couldn't seem to prevent what for him had to be the inevitable siren call of seppuku. He was in many ways still running away, as he had the night when everything came crashing down around and about him.

I pursed my lips as my mind mulled over the last thought. _Running away?_ There was something in that I knew it, my mind began to race with different associations.

It was due to the fact that they had run away that had made them lose honour in the first place. They took off to escape the war, as it were, compounding the crime of having lost half their family. They had in essence turned their back on everything Splinter had taught them. This revelation came hard and fast but I was sure it was the main root to Don's problem and the issues he was now facing. Don could come to grips with losing Leo and Raph, but how could he ever come to terms with all that had passed due to and because of their running away that fateful night?

I shook my head not sure how to approach this idea, as of yet, it would take time to figure it out and learn how best to use it. I also wanted a chance to discuss with Mike about this latest theory just to see if he felt the same way or if I might be barking up the wrong tree. With his keen perception of Don, Mike just might have a better idea of what was going on in his brother's mind, not to mention he could add his own brand of knowledge concerning Donatello.

Don gave me a faint grin " I hear the gears in your brain turning" he chided gently, "Am I in trouble then?"

I gave him a warm smile and hugged him, "Quite possibly Don." I replied mysteriously. I shivered a little then for the night was growing colder.

"Come on it is getting dark and your getting chilled" Don observed, he glanced towards the cabin, "At least with Mike the hard feelings don't linger."

I wasn't too sure about that, after all I happened to know Mike was nearing the end of his rope by trying to keep Don hanging on his.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

**The Journey Home**

**  
Disclaimer: I deny any ownership of any adolescent transformed shadow warrior chelonians.**

**Author's note:** This chapter gave me a surprise, because it is not how I wanted things to go, but the muses, or Don himself ( and I wouldn't put it past Don) decided otherwise.Ramica.

**Chapter Seven:**

I had spent a better part of the night awake, thinking about Don and how I had wanted, expected, a miracle from him because he once had feelings for me. Feelings I knew he had buried and denied himself almost from the first, and it occurred to me that what he was running away from now, was connected to all that, of course I was tired, physically and emotionally and maybe I wasn't thinking all that clearly where such thoughts were concerned. However once they had taken root in my mind I seemed to be unable to rid myself of them.

By the next morning I had changed my mind about talking with Mike alone. I figured Don had a stake in this too. We were worried and concerned about Don, while Don himself felt a lack of control over his compulsion. I figured if we could all sit down and work things out between us, then hopefully we could find a way to help Don, without him feeling that Mike and I were gaining up on him, or just deciding for him what was going to be. Don was intelligent, he knew what was going on and he had as much right to voice his fears, concerns or make a decision as the rest of us did.

Due to the delicate matter, I felt the best time to go over things was when Casey went down for her nap, and by the time the three of us convened around the kitchen table, the idea of Don's feelings being bottled up connected to his run away was firmly entrenched in my mind. I sat between Mike and Don to do my best to mediate where, or when it might be necessary. Don was on my left side.

I turned to face Don, "Don, you know we want to help you and it seems to me while Mike is interceding on your behalf and keeping you alive he has yet to find what it is you need, or are looking for to aid you in your desire to stay alive." I began.

Don cut in "April I..."

I held up my hand, "You on the other hand realize that **you **don't want to die, that these many attempts are truly nothing more then a desire to gain help. You want the help, Mike doesn't know what to do to help, and we need to know what it is you want, need or are looking for to give you some meaning to your life so you don't feel compelled to act out. Let's face it Don if you really wanted to commit seppuku you would do it fast, and find a spot Mike isn't familiar with." I pointed out I gave him a compassionate caring look, "A part of you drives you to die, to gain honour through seppuku. Another part perhaps the more logical, rational part of yourself, combined with your love for family realizes seppuku isn't the answer and holds you back allowing Mike to get the calling card." I paused, "The two of you have fallen into these roles and are for some reason unable to break out of it."

I gave Don a tender smile as he leaned forward, his body posture said he was listening. "A dependent, co dependent relationship" he muttered.

"Something like that. Don you told me last night you really didn't want to do this, you just feel it is something that must be done and you can't stop it on your own." I then turned my attention to Mike, "While you on the otherhand are growing frustrated with Don and you don't know what to do and feel that perhaps stopping Don is not the answer" I concluded.

Don jerked back a fleeing look of surprise in his eyes, as if he hadn't realized, until then, how far he had pushed Mike. He stared open mouthed towards his brother as if in total shock, "Is that true Mike?" he finally managed to gasp, while still looking at Mike as if he was some stranger.

Mike sighed and nodded "Don I'm getting tired of this. It isn't helping you or me, and it is a never ending vicious circle as cruel as the one we left back in New York" Mike confessed. "I hate it" he announced loudly and firmly, "And I'm tired of babysitting you and looking out for you." He shook his head, "I'm tired of always acting like everything is all right and then you going off to try to cut your wrist or throat, or throw yourself off a cliff. I stop you and we get mad at each other instead of helping one another. I resent you and I think you resent me too Don, though I don't know if it is because I stopped you or because I'm mad at you." He exhaled and stared hard in Don's direction, "I'm tired. I've reached my limits and I don't want to do this anymore Don because it isn't working anyways," he grumbled.

Don looked away slightly ashamed , fighting to calm his breathing.

"It might be hard hearing Mike, Don but you have to realize what you are doing to him, not so much to make you feel guilty," I hastened to assure him, "But because you seem to think he will forget and blow it all off and things will be all right between you. Both of you have been through a lot, it is understandable that the loss, trauma and alot of things that were connected to that night may have been overlooked while you were trying to deal with the fact you had lost your family, and had turned your back on everything you ever knew."

"We didn't overlook it April, nor did we escape from it" Don corrected his voice bitter, "No matter where we went we could not escape what we did or that we acted like cowards. We left you behind to face the consequences." he snorted in disgust.

Mike cocked his head to one side, his brow furrowing "We didn't have a choice Don we had to leave. If we had stayed there, the Foot would have probably have hunted us down and killed us within a week. I was not used to being blind I would have gone down very fast at that point. The Foot realized that night that we could die. Up until then they could hurt us, we could bleed, but we always came back fighting and brought down so many of them," Mike's voice trembled, "Then they got Leo and Raph. The leader of our group and the wild card with the short fuse," he raised his head glancing unerringly towards Don. "Sure, I've adjusted and I've learned to compensate, most people would hardly realize that I am maimed, however in the city with the noise and bright lights, it might be harder for me to maintain any advantage. I could hold my own in a small battle, but I'd still be a hindrance in a large one." Mike declared, "If we went back today Don, and faced the Foot we would only die."

I nodded agreement " Leo, Raph and Master Splinter himself would not condemn you for your choice in fleeing. In fact I am sure they would praise you for getting away with your lives, and for managing to stay alive. Splinter taught you all ninjitsu so that you would survive in a world that might not accept you. He gave you all the skills you needed to achieve that goal, what you do with those skills is up to you." I insisted, I took his hand into mine, "The war was not something Splinter could have foreseen. He wanted honour returned to Yoshi and Shen. Perhaps he could not see past his own anger, perhaps he had no idea that he was setting you on that path. He made a mistake Don, which meant that perhaps Splinter was only as human as the rest of us, because he could be wrong too." I squeezed his hand, "You didn't really want to leave me there that night did you?" I inquired.

Don bowed his head, staring at my hand around his, "No I didn't" he admitted, "I felt we had only messed up your life April."

"Yeah, that's what you said before you wanted to give me a chance at a normal life. You knew or suspected that the Foot would come after me looking for information, you knew that they would let me live if only in hopes of tracking down the surviving members of the turtle family. You were right about all of that." I said.

He gave me a look that clearly said _' Do you think I would have left you there if I thought otherwise?'_

" But I think there were other reasons to your decision that night Don, perhaps reasons you don't want to admit to" I hazarded quickly in a very off hand way. I gave him a meaningful look.

Don pulled his hand away from mine, and crossed his arms over his plastron, sitting back in his chair, "I don't know what you are talking about."

I shook my head, "When are you going stop running Don? You ran from the city, the war, you are trying to run from the problems that are bothering you" I pointed out, "I know you were doing the right thing, you made the right choice, because as Mike kindly said, you are still alive to prove it." I swallowed, "You are running and running. Just as you were, the night you left. You knew that I'd miss Casey, that I would be alone, and pregnant and grieving, that I would need someone to lean on, to hold to, and perhaps you didn't want to put yourself there." I explained.

I wasn't sure where this was coming from, perhaps my own exhaustion, but I sat back and watched his reaction.

"April feelings don't have to be acted on" Don grunted as he glanced away, as if unwilling or unable to meet my gaze.

"Fine I agree, feelings don't have to be acknowledged or acted upon, but it doesn't make them any less real" I insisted. I glanced at the hard look on his face and gave an exasperated sigh. "Raph at least allowed his anger out. He acted on it, he could have used some restraint but he wouldn't hold it in. He also got Leo to release his anger, though he often had to rile Leo into it." I turned to face Mike, "You have your anger, you don't get angry often but it is there and the more optimistic part of you, helps you cling to that faint impossible hope even in the darkest times." I knew it was true I had seen it too often.

Some of the family thought Mike was a bit of a dreamer, and he was, he just dreamed of a better world, for everyone. But he was realistic enough and grounded to know that it couldn't happen by itself and that it would take time, in the meantime he wouldn't lose faith. It was that realistic view that helped him know going back to the city would not be the best thing, but optimistic enough to want Don to hold on and do more. A firm believer in accepting what you have to and changing what you can.

Mike shrugged, "Better then letting yourself get down about it."

I turned my attention back towards Don, "You on the other hand always bottled your feelings up. You held it all in. Your deepest feelings became the still waters that ran deep and have become dangerous. You have avoided what you are feeling for so long that you are out of touch. Perhaps the only way you can feel and even know you are alive is by cutting yourself." I licked my lips, "It has gotten to be too much and I think you have to face whatever it is you have bottled up Don, or else we may lose the best part of who you are."

Don shook his head, as if he couldn't even grasp what I was getting at, failing to see or make the connection for what ever reason.

"You have to feel and know what is going on Don if you are going let us know it is getting too much for you" I declared. "You told me you want me to have a normal life, but that is impossible. Because you became a part of my life. I would never have married Casey Jones, under normal circumstances I would probably have never met him as we move in different circles."

"Yeah but in spite of your differences, Casey did his best to improve and be better for you April. Sure he would never be smart, like the way you and Don are, but he had a good heart." Mike interjected cheerfully.

"That and we both knew and understood what went into having you guys in our lives, and both of us wanted you to share in our lives. We felt you were the best thing to happen to either of us. It was something we couldn't forget or ignore."

"It was great!" Mike beamed, "You two were meant and we were all happy for you."

"Well almost all" I whispered as I recalled how Don had reacted to the news. Oh he did his best to seem happy and he came forward to congratulate us, and he hugged me tight to him, as if not wanting to let me go, then had cast a sullen look Casey's way before excusing himself. I had gone after him but he immersed himself in a project and insisted that he was happy for us.

"What does any of this have to do with the here and now?" he challenged simply.

Don was trying to change the subject, steering it away from what he didn't want to discuss and hopefully point it elsewhere. Yet I noticed Mike was not trying to get me back on subject he was letting it go.

"You bottled up your feelings **then** Don, and you are doing it now. You are torn by what you want and your desire to hold to some code of honour, not realizing that there may be a way to keep honour and have what you desire." I replied, "Before you could hide behind your projects but out here it is just a constant tug of war with nothing to distract or occupy you to get your mind off of things. It builds up and has to explode, but you aren't used to exploding so you cut instead."

Don gave me a cold calculating look, he arched his eye ridge but remained silent, speaking no protest or denial, finally he spoke "That's quite the theory April." There was no inflection in his tone nothing in his eyes to give away what was going on inside of him. He was doing his best to be ninja with me, aloof in every way.

That was fine, I was used to that reaction from all the boys at different times, it reminded me again of the time we broke the news to the family of the engagement. I knew that he was inwardly telling me that it had nothing whatsoever to do with me. I knew him well enough to know what he was thinking, even without being a ninja and able to read mind.

"Don we are here to help you and you have to stop running and you have to let us know what is going on for you. It isn't just about Mike, myself or even, about you, it is about being family. It's about us accepting the fact that we are responsible adults and entitled to make our own choices free of guilt." I declared.

I don't know if we got through to Don much, but by the end of our discussion he had agreed, finally, that he would try to let us know when he felt the urge to kill himself became too strong. It wasn't much but Mike and I were willing to take whatever we could get at the moment.

XXXXX

It was a bit later that day when Don invited me to come to the 'fishing hole' to try and catch something for dinner. I decided to go and talk with him a bit more. We walked along the forested trails, made by deer or other animals but clearly not made for man, as we headed upstream toward the fishing hole.

"Don I'm sorry if I embarrassed you before but you know there was always that chemistry between us, the charged ions. I know you never acted on it or said anything..." I began.

He turned and glowered at me "What was I suppose to say April?" He demanded, "Admit that I possibly had a crush on you? You would have brushed it off, put up walls between us, probably avoided me all together. By keeping silent I could at least hope," he confessed.

At least he hadn't told me it was all a figment of my imagination, a hallucination caused by stress or fatigue or whatever excuse was convenient at the time. "I was a teenager. You were smart and beautiful and gods!" he choked up as he looked at me, "I dreamed but I knew that was all it **was!"** His chest heaved and he angrily kicked at a stray rock sending it tumbling through the dirt. As if by admitting to that much it had opened the door to so much more, he continued his rant. " You could **never** feel that way for me. When you accepted Casey I couldn't believe it, I thought you had made a mistake, as long as you were alone there was a chance," He sighed a deep tortured sound that racked his body. "Every moment with you I treasured but it wasn't enough."

"Why wasn't it enough Don? Was it because you felt I couldn't love you back, that we were a different species, that you couldn't give me a normal life?" I wondered.

"April I know what I am." he gave me a pained look, "I never regretted what I was, except when I was with you." he sniffed and walked off towards the sound of running water.

I stood stunned, by the power of his sadness, the bitterness, the longing and pain. It took a moment for me to follow after him. I pushed through the rest of the bush to where it finally gave a way to the rocks, that was part of a river bank. As I stepped out onto the large stones I could see Don in front of me standing still as a statue, his head tilted up to the sky above, but the shadows of the trees, keeping him half in dark and half in dappled light. He was poised so tall, proud, defiance in his back, but the rounded shoulders spoke of the burden he carried.

In front of him was the clear blue green waters of the river, further up was the pool that the boys fished from and the waterfall, that seemed pictured behind him, framing his shape in the wild eddies of water and foam. It was a powerful, captivating scene and the look of his face was as if he was seeking some answer from above, that had up till now eluded him. I wished I could capture this and hold it.

It was strong, powerful, yet weak and vulnerability all at once. I don't think I had ever seen anything quite like it before.

"Did you ever ask me Don?" I asked softly, "I knew it was there and so did you. You never asked. You were always so proper, willing to step out of the way and yet I could see how much it hurt you then, to do the honourable thing. Could almost hear you screaming at me '_you are betraying me!'_

He looked at me with a wistful smile "Yes." He replied simply, " I didn't want you coming with us **that** night you needed to grieve for your husband, and things may have changed for you..." he trailed off. "By then I knew you deserved a normal life and I couldn't give it to you."

"You gave up" I summarized.

"I gave up on you, on happiness, on love, hope life." he agreed a strange light in his eyes as he turned to stare at me then turned back, with a snort, "I knew I had much to offer the world but for the first time I felt that the world owed me, something...just one thing." He clenched his fists tight at his side, "I knew I made the right choice for Mike and I. Survival was far more important then being tortured and killed, and I knew that was all I could expect if I stayed there."

"You didn't want to live though" I snapped trying not to accuse him.

He pulled a knife from his belt, his fingers caressing the metal blade. I saw his body shudder.

I inhaled sharply, wondering if he had decided that it had been too much for him. I had to bring him back. I couldn't stand here and wait to see if he would turn the blade to his own skin, could not stand and wait to see if he would stain the rocks with his own blood.

"Don don't" I begged starting to scramble frantically towards him.

Don didn't seem to heed my call, he seemed distant and far away caught up in what he was doing as if there was only the knife and him. He began to idly toss the weapon from hand to hand, a small smile on his face as if he enjoyed the weight and feel of it resting there, the movement of it, Perhaps trying to prove to himself that he could control this and not the other way around.

"Don put down the knife" I pleaded sharply as I got closer to him.

He paid no more attention to my cry then he had to the last one. He only gripped the knife hilt firmly in his right hand.

I loved him. I cared for him, I could not let this happen. I wrapped both arms around the right arm pulling on it and did my best to break his hold on the weapon or at least insure he wouldn't harm himself again.

"Don I love you. Don't do this. I love you and none of the differences between us matter then or now" I yelled, babbling. Most likely not making a bit of sense but I didn't want him to give in to that siren call. "Don't hurt yourself any more."

Some how in my incoherent words, and the struggle, the knife slipped from his fingers, or had I got through to him and he had dropped it of his own free will? I didn't know. I couldn't be sure right then, but I heard it drop on the rocks at our feet.

Then I felt Don slip his arms around me, pulling me close and tight to him, he was crying and kissing me with a passion that was both overwhelming and unexpected, and I found myself giving in to them.

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

**The Journey Home**

**Disclaimer:** I deny any ownership of any adult or adolescent transformed shadow warrior chelonians.

**Chapter Eight:**

For the moment we stood locked in each other's embrace, and that was fine by me, for I didn't think I had any strength in my legs to hold me up, after Don giving me such a scare followed by the sudden passion, demands and yearnings that had overwhelmed him. Don gasped a bit gaining control of his breathing and probably fighting to get his turbulent emotions back under control as well. He suddenly and abruptly pushed me away from him, leaving me feeling dazed and uncertain.

I looked up at him in my confusion, he sighed and shook his head, "I'm sorry April. I shouldn't have..." he paused, "taken advantage of the situation." He muttered softly, he seemed embarrassed and uneasy.

"Don you did nothing wrong!" I insisted, "You didn't take advantage of me and you never would."

"Don't be too sure!" He retorted in a voice filled with scorn, "Besides you think I don't realize that you can never live up to what you said? That you were lying to me," His back straightened and he glowered towards me.

"Don I would **_never_** do that to you." I informed him, emphatically.

"Your telling me that you love me?" He asked as he turned to face me I could see the doubt but underneath it I thought I saw just a hint of hope, faint and flickering but unwilling to show itself fully. "Since when April?"

I took a deep breath, "I'm not sure," I confessed, "You know we have always shared a sort of mutual attraction through our similarities, we helped each other out with varied problems or pushed each other to do more, or think outside of the box, bounced ideas, concept and theories off of each other. There was the feeling of, connection." I sighed, " That was only the foundation though Don, then there was growing to learn about each other all the more, through shared missions, worrying for one another when certain missions came up and then of course helping tend to injuries. We grew past friends and became family then," I shook my head, "I loved you as family and a friend."

"So that's it huh?" he inquired.

"Of course not Don, I care for you as a person, for who you are. If you are expecting me to pinpoint the exact moment I fell in love with you, all of you for who you are. I can't do it." I informed him, "It happened over time, but it doesn't make it any less real. Do you think I can stand by and watch you hurt yourself when I care so much about you?" I asked, "Don, I do love you. I would not lie about that for it would jeopardize our very friendship. You didn't take advantage of me because I didn't feel taken advantage of...you can't rape the willing Don." I smiled, as I moved towards him, " The truth of the matter is Don, I do love you." I leaned forward and kissed him.

For a moment I thought he was going pull away but then his arms slipped around me and he returned my kiss.

I hadn't really been expecting my own emotions or the declaration of love that had come spewing out of me, but I knew that I would not just say it, not with Don in such a delicate position, and the fact of the matter was I did care about him, I had missed him dearly while they had been away, waiting, hoping and longing for some thing to know they were all right. That they hadn't just forgotten me, yet there was nothing from them and the dull ache of missing them.

Somewhere, somehow along the line I had fallen in love with Don for who he was, his intelligence, his shy, quiet passive ways but now all of that, which he had not been was starting to rear it's head. I reached up to caress Don's face as he broke off the kiss, "Been a hard day for you, huh Don?"

Don gave a weak smile as I turned and went back to pick up the knife he had dropped, I held it in my hand debating if I ought to return it. Yet I knew I had to trust him. In spite of what I might fear, I had to believe that he would do the right thing. I stood up and stepped back holding the knife out to him.

He blinked, as if unsure of where it had come from.

"You dropped it" I explained, " I thought you might be going to, well hurt yourself again." I concluded lamely.

He nodded slightly, and looked into my eyes as if searching for something, if he found what he was looking for or not I really can't say, he turned and placed the knife back into his belt "Mike is expecting dinner, which means we ought to see what we can find."

These new feelings would take time to fully know, understand and accept on both of our parts, so I was willing enough to take the change of subject or distraction for what it was. I followed Don to the pond area where they fished. Don took the knife from his belt once more but this time he also removed a short piece of rope to tie the knife to the end of his bo staff.

"If I can't spear them, I can always catch them ninja style, with my bare hands" he said casually before he waded into the water, until it was about waist deep.

While he fished I sat on the rocks and we managed to keep the conversation calm, civil and far from anything to do with our feelings for one another.

XXX

It took a few days before Don broached the concept again, the fact that I loved him, still new and obviously a debatable subject. either that or he was trying to come up with all the reasons why we were just fooling ourselves. "What can I give you April?" he asked bluntly, "There is little I can give you that puts me ahead of the game?"

"Why you, huh Don?" I translated with a small smirk, " Why not?" I replied glibly.

He gave me a sour look, "Try to be serious April" he demanded briskly.

I sighed, " I am Don. Yes anyone else could give me intelligent conversation, or help stimulate my brain when I'm stuck on some problem. It could be anyone, but I'd have to find them first, and it seems that a part of me has all ready determined the outcome anyways." I pushed my hair out of my face, "You are away from the war in New York, and while you might have to always be prepared for those who would condemn you, or in case the Foot ever found you, you are now basically free to do what you want." I pointed out, " Together we could set up a business dealing with computers, or security alarms. There are a vast number of possibilities Don" I assured him as I slipped a hand in his.

" What about other children April, you are young and...?"

" Who says you can't have children Don, you have no idea how compatible we might be to one another. Yes there is a risk that it won't work." I shrugged, " No one has an answer to that question as of yet."

Of course it didn't take long for Mike to realize that we were spending quite a bit of time together and start to bother us about it.

"So what were you two doing?" He asked arching an eye ridge when we returned from one outing, " And don't tell me you were hunting again, because if I have to rely on you to feed us, we're all in trouble." He cut in gesturing to our empty hands.

"Okay we are talking Mike about stuff that wouldn't even interest you" I confessed, as I brushed past him.

"Uh-huh," Mike gave a knowing nod, "Is that what you call it now April?"

"Call what?" I snapped whirling around to look at his smug look.

"Oh nothing" he replied all innocence, "just whatever it is that you talk about."

Don rolled his eyes, "I'd smack him up side the head, but then he'd figure that he was really on to something."

"I am Don and you know it."

"I know nothing of the sort Mike, and you know absolutely nothing or less then nothing, which would be..." Don insisted.

"I don't need the technical term for it Donny boy thank you very much" Mike held up a hand.

I don't know if his teasing helped Don or not, it seemed that it just added to his uncertainties and doubts about where we were going and Don began to hurt himself all the more, keeping all of us on our toes and causing Mike to declare.

"The two of you together is bad news."

XXXX

I'm not sure I can pinpoint where things started to change, but slowly Don and I found ourselves no longer avoiding the issue of us being together, and more often then not slipping away for a little one on one time in privacy. True we hadn't gone beyond kissing, as of yet, but we were starting to focus more on the possibility of being together, maybe leaving the woods and setting up a business somewhere else.

Mostly though we were giving each other a chance to really feel out the growing chemistry between us. There was no denying the magnetic appeal he had for me, or the gentle whispers, longing touches or the way he often held me close to him. I longed for his touch, and in some ways he seemed to reassure himself of my presence and the current situation by holding me.

It was at this time that Don started to go for longer periods without hurting himself.

Mike seemed pleased and he remarked to me, " April, I believe that he has finally found something in life to hold to." He glanced my way, "So how serious are you getting?"

"Mike I'm not answering that." I replied briskly.

"Pleading the fifth gets you nowhere April."

I think what I enjoyed most about this time was that Don was also trying to make friends with Casey, he'd ignored her so much and with his problems had rarely paid much attention to her. Now though he would take her with us, letting her ride on his shoulders, or letting her grip the bo staff in the middle while he held the ends and swung her, or we'd go on picnics just the three of us. Casey adored Mike but she was starting to grow pretty fond of Don too.

I was tickled that Don was doing his best to include Casey, for while I knew Mike was the perfect babysitter, I couldn't always foist her off on him just so we could be alone. She was my daughter and I needed to spend time with her.

It was a good time really, very relaxing and comforting the only sign of darkness those rare times when Don for whatever reason would end up cutting himself, though sometimes he did give us some warning that it was brewing inside of him, it took a bit to know when what was brewing was about to explode, for he would usually give these warnings days in advance, and neither Mike or I cared to be on constant alert for that period. But it helped to know and sometimes, with a little intervention and a lot of discussion we were able to avoid it, not always but it was a start.

I think Mike was right Don needed something to hold to, to believe in, and now that he had found something to ground himself in, the simple knowledge that we loved one another, was enough to see him out of the darkness and towards the light of healing.

XXXX

One day months later Casey came running up with some wild flowers held tight in her hand " Donny say fer yooooooou" she chanted, then she gave me a sloppy kiss as I scooped her into my arms.

"Thank you, where is Don, Casey?" I asked. She turned in my arms and pointed toward the house.

"He dere." She declared firmly.

I tickled her and walked towards the house packing, Casey who was all ready squirming to be let down. "Hey you going give me my flowers?"

"No! Mine!" Casey yelled, gripping them more firmly the look on her face and in the determined jaw told me that she was not going give them up.

"They are not yours" Don insisted, "Those are for your mom."

"My preeetties." She wailed.

Don took her from my arms "Casey, listen to me, you let your mom have those and I'll give you something special." he bribed.

"No mine!" Casey stated firmly, not to be bribed.

" Fine then your mom can have this," he tried to conceal something in his hand, one hand covering something that lay in the other, and Casey began doing her best to see what it was.

"Here April, I figured Casey would want it more but...seems she got flowers soooo." He drawled.

Casey shoved the flowers in my hand " Donny show meeeeeeee! I wanna seee I wanna" she chanted eagerly.

Don chuckled as he winked at me, then he lifted up his hand to reveal her present, it was a young rabbit, probably just old enough to be on it's own, but one leg looked like it had been injured, the rabbit had escaped with it's life this time.

Casey cooed and reached tentatively out to pet the small rabbit, her eyes large and round.

Don smiled at her, "I need to fix him up a little, but why not ask Mike to find a place for your pet bunny?"

Casey nodded, "Mine!"

"Yeah go ask Mike now" He urged giving her a nudge towards the house.

Casey ran yelling "Mieeeeee, Mieeeee..."

Getting Mike to come to the door "What the devil is going on out here? Who turned the banshee loose?" Mike grouched.

Don laughed, "Here Mike, I have a patient for you to tend to, and set up a little place for it, this is Casey's pet" Don informed Mike as he strolled towards his brother, handing the rabbit off to him, and then in a low voice, "the soup pot is not the place for him."

"Right" Mike agreed, cradling the small bunny in one hand and taking Casey by the other he lead her back into the cabin "Come on Casey you can help look after your pet here." He told her, the door shutting behind them cut off any other conversation.

Don turned and came back pulling me into his arms and nuzzling my neck affectionately, "Now we're alone."

I pressed my body close to his, "Don't expect it to last for too long" I warned as I kissed him.

"As long as it last long enough for this..." Don began reaching into a belt pocket, "This isn't exactly the sort of rock I was hoping to get you. but..." he shrugged as he laid a small heart shaped stone in my hand, "Quite literally and allegorically April, you have my heart in your hands, and I love you and Casey both very much" he swallowed a bit then gave a little cough, as his eyes rested on mine, " I guess what I'm trying to say April is will you marry me?"

I bowed my head unsure what to say, finding myself lost for words, and I saw his searching look.

"I know it may be too soon for you April...and it might not be quite official" He began to stammer.

I flung my arms around his neck, "Don, it's all right. It's okay. Yes, I will." I vowed.

Don wrapped me in his arms and pulled me tighter to him.

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

**The Journey Home**

Disclaimer: I deny any ownership of any adult or adolescent transformed shadow warrior chelonians.

**Epilogue: **

We entered the cabin with arms around one another, to find Mike and Casey watching the tiny rabbit nibbling on some greens, a bowl of water nearby and bandages wrapped around the one bad leg. Casey was squealing every time the rabbit twitched it's ear, and of course each ear piercing shriek was enough to cause another twitch. "Some entertainment there Donny."

Don chuckled, "How is Bugs?" Don asked.

Mike snorted at his question, " Come on Don maybe it isn't a bugs but a girl besides Casey has all ready called him Buns."

"BUNS!" Casey yelled causing the rabbit to shake it's head.

Mike shrugged "Short for bunny I guess. At least it is better then calling him soup or stew, which was my idea."

Don sighed, "You never had very good ideas Mike." he commented casually, "However I have the feeling that it is just about time to move on." He confessed.

Mike arched an eye ridge, "OH?" He remarked casually.

Don turned to look at me, "We came here to heal, and now I think it's time to...well get back to life."

"Okay what brought that on?" Mike inquired his tone almost suspicious.

Don reached out and clapped a hand on Mike's shoulder, "I asked April to marry me she accepted and well, this cabin is all right for two, but it isn't meant for a family of four, five if you count Buns."

Mike beamed "Really you mean it Donny? Wow! That's great" he cheered his smile growing larger, if that was even possible.

"Mike you don't feel any regret that Don and I..." I began wondering if perhaps...well if he would feel jealous or put out that Don and I were together. I knew Mike wasn't the type to be too envious normally.

Mike took my hands in his, "April I'm happy for both of you. You two always had that connection, we all knew it and I know you, and I April can never be more then friends. I accept that. Besides I think you've given Don the very reasons he's been looking for."

I knew with those words, the simple sincerity that Mike was at peace with our decision and would hold nothing against us.

XXXX

We left the cabin and settled into the old farmhouse, more then adequate space for a small family to live and grow. One of the first things Don and Mike did was set up a memorial site for their fallen brothers, including Casey who in many ways was almost a brother to them, near Splinter's grave. They apologized to their father for not being there sooner and to their brothers for not being able to prevent the out come of that terrible night so long ago.

Mike and Don fixed up the barn and set up a small chicken coop as well so we could raise chickens for the eggs and meat, the barn once fully repaired could house a cow or two for fresh milk, and possibly a pony for Casey, though Mike at the moment seemed to be the one really hinting for the pony.

Don and I set up an area in the basement for working on computers or whatever else might intrigue us to work on. Such as surveillance or alarm systems, and other technological toys,devices or what have you. With our two genius minds together it wouldn't take much to create some sort of reputation even from a small business. Surprisingly, Mike would often come up with creative ideas for programs, mostly for games but once in a while giving us inspirations and motivation, to try and make better systems to aid those who had lost their sight, hearing or voice.

Don and I were married, if you could call it that. Don printed off the necessary documents off the internet, we both signed it had Mike witness it and then he forged Leo and Raph's signature as extra witnesses. We stood out near the woods, the backdrop of trees serving as lovely scenery for our special day we each made vows to one another while Mike and Casey observed the proceedings. It wasn't proper proceedings, was by no mind a legal or binding and yet, as far as I was concerned it was as firm a contract I had with my first husband.

Casey was still calling her step dad Don but that was all right. Don wasn't going push her into anything she wasn't willing to give, and Casey loved to spend time with Buns who had his own special place set up in the barn with an outdoor run attached.

I can't say Don was totally better, not yet. He still cut himself, there was times he would try to close himself off from the world but those times were slowly become less frequent and almost a rarity.

Mike noticed it too and he gave me a large hug one day "Thanks April, you've really helped Don. I don't think he would have made it if..." Mike's voice trailed off and he hung his head. "This is more like home anyways ain't it?"

"Yes, it is. At least this way you don't have to worry about the Foot finding you." I agreed, "You and Don are finally free."

"I don't know if I'd go as far as saying we are free, the Foot one day may learn we are still alive, but by then hopefully they would have forgotten the many battles and be willing to let the blood feud lie. Don he's finding new honour and something to live for by being with his family and doing what he loves best." Mike replied. He gave me a sidelong glance, "You haven't been feeling too well lately have you?"

I nodded, shrugged "It's to be expected Mike."

"Was it like that with Casey?" Mike wondered.

" It seems worse this time" I admitted, "But each child is different."

Mike sighed a little "Don knows this, doesn't he."

I laughed, "Of course he knows I'm pregnant."

"No April, I mean that you are worse with this child and that it is only your first trimester and..." Mike explained.

"You think his concern for me and his child might cause some tension or that he may try to hurt himself again?"

Mike shrugged, "I don't know what to expect from him April. I really don't." Mike muttered.

I guess Mike did have his reasons for being concerned and I noticed he seemed to be keeping a closer eye on his brother, as if wary and expecting trouble. I could only hope that my symptoms would settle down and perhaps provide enough proof that there was nothing wrong in my being pregnant. Casey of course was thrilled at having a baby in mommy's tummy. Don I think would have been happier if things were running smoother.

As the first trimester continued things got worse and Don ordered me to stay in bed.

"I'm not going stay laying in bed for weeks on end, Donatello" I snapped, " If I have to stay in bed then you better be keeping me company so I don't lose my sanity." I huffed a bit.

"April being in bed is what got you and Don into this mess to begin with." Mike retorted.

I guess it was to be expected, almost inevitable that Don felt the pressure, contemplated on whether we had made a mistake by allowing me to get pregnant instead of taking precautions. What ever it was Don injured himself again, the worst incident that he had for some time really, but luckily Mike was able to stop him from completing what he began.

XXXX

By my second trimester things had calmed down and everything seemed to be running the way it should, giving new hope to Don and everyone else. Don rubbed my growing bump, a small smile on his face, his thick fingers ever so gentle in spite of the callouses. He bent and kissed my belly, "It is amazing, that there is a life growing in there." He murmured his voice full of awe. " I know all the scientific data on reproduction. I know all of that and yet it is still such a miracle."

"Quite the miracle" I agreed, "Did you ever think you'd be a father Don?"

Don blushed and ducked his head, giving it a subtle negative shake.

"So what should we name him or her?" I asked curiously.

For awhile we lay side by side in our bed discussing names and options.

XXXX

I felt exhausted and wrung out, fourteen hours of labour, and a lot of work for Don who was, delivering our child. But finally she entered the world Lenore Raphaella our daughter. She had a shell, and it was that, which had made the birthing a little harder then it had been when Casey was born, she had white skin and tiny wisps of red hair on her head, she had eyelashes and a small human mouth set into a round turtle face, but she had five little fingers on each hand and two little toes on each foot. In short she was a miracle.

Don sat down on the edge of the bed watching in rapt fascination as I gave our daughter her first meal. Mike tapped on the door and lead Casey in to come see her new baby sister.

I gazed down at Lenore caressing her cheek with one finger. "How does it feel to be a dad Don?" I couldn't help but ask him.

"It feels like I've finally come home." Don answered simply but there was such strength and power to those words that I knew he had meant it. He had taken a long road and we had all been through so much but finally we were all home.

The End


End file.
